Granted: You only feel that amazing when mounting a goat (in the sexual sense)

I wish Alex performed my 3 minute "ability" on Scott.

Granted, and nothing notable or interesting becomes of it.

I wish I had a new car.

Granted, but it is one of the worst lemons ever to pass manufacturer's inspections.

I wish my billfold was always full of money.

Granted, but it's monopoly money.

I wish that when I ate skittles, I really did taste the rainbow.

Granted - a pot of gold magically appears in your belly and causes you to explode.

I wish I wouldn't have to go to geology class.

Granted - You get in a car accident 5 minutes before class and go into a coma... you don't wake up... ever. The professor is nice enough to not lecture to your half dead body

I wish I could get a free large quiznos sub instead of just a small

Granted. But you have to sleep with the ugly, morbidly obese, male manager to get it.

I wish it would stay this warm for a couple of days

Granted. The isolated warm front creates an island of high pressure. It's very windy outside, as all the warm air heads to Iowa and Minnesota and over the plains. Friday evening gets cold, the high pressure region contracts and quickly turns to low pressure since all the air left. The pressure inversion causes the largest February F5 tornado on record to hit your house, impaling you with a 2x4 through your stomach. You die very slowly.

I wish it were time for supper.

Granted, you now eat supper for breakfast, forever.

I wish it were 7:00PM already

Granted, it is now 7:00pm 65 years from now, and you have prostate cancer.

I wish I could get a secure full-time job.

Granted. In your eagerness to impress the boss you offer to shred some files for him. When the FBI comes knocking you are indicted with the first major accounting scandal of 2009 - Congratulations.

I wish it were May yet.

Granted. It is now May, your family is mourning at your funeral after you died in a car crash on April 30.

I wish fish could taste like steak.

Granted, now everything tastes like steak, and you get so freaking tired of the taste of steak you kill yourself so you won't have to eat anymore.

I wish that I was God.

Granted, but now you have to listen to the incessant bitching of Catholics.

I wish I didn't have to take the MFAT next week.

Granted. You die tomorrow right after your parents call you and tell you that you're adopted and that you're real parents are now millionaires who made their millions off of a broken condom suit a little over 20 years ago.

I wish I had remembered to make a wish the first time i posted this