Granted, but because you left.

I wish I didn't have more than 2 tests today.

Granted, you'll only have one exam today. Of course, it's a prostate exam.

I wish I could find a job.

Granted. You get a job as a custodian for a 3rd class strip club. You're in charge of cleaning all the private rooms and bathrooms. They don't let you work at the same time as the strippers, so you don't get to enjoy their company. It's not like you'd want it anyway, they're all fugly and have hair in all the wrong places. And you don't get an employee discount on any services.

I wish I get an A on that test I just took.

Granted. He is sitting on top of you, without any pants on.

I wish St. Pats came early this year, by about 1 week.

Granted, but you don't get any time off, have three tests a day all week, and the cops bust up every party you go to.

I wish dumb self righteous fucks didn't revive threads more than a month old.

Granted, but they spam new threads instead.

I wish I were asleep right now

Granted, you're in a coma at some hospital. One of the nurses is named Buck, and guess what he's here to do! You wake up one day with a much wider, constantly sore anus. And you have AIDS!

I wish I could see Watchmen again.

Granted, but this time it's the contemporary script by David Hayter where all the main characters die in the end.

I wish I could have my daylight savings hour back.

Granted, however, death had made an appointment to take you at 2:00AM this morning, which would have been impossible and had been rescheduled about 80 years from now. Thanks to your wish, you are now dead.

I wish AMDphreak would defend himself in the UMR forum's thread about him.

Granted. He would. For sexual favors and candy.

I wish there were a better variety of summer courses.

Granted, but the ones you choose are canceled for lack of interest.

I wish this weekend was about 7 days longer.

granted

I wish for the same thing as ^

Granted, except you get a crazy case of food poisoning from the taco bell you found on the floor of the party last night and are bed ridden for the remainder of the break.

I wish LostBoyz wasn't such a dickhead about getting back the glasses he has ten billion pairs of.

granted but in order to stop being a "dickhead" towards you I have to kill you

I wish blitzpcaokceapc wouldve brought his glasses right back like he said he was going to

Granted, except you have to find a method that keeps you from trusting drunk people. You scour the globe looking for remedies and methods, but only manage to find one: rendering yourself stupidly drunk as to become incredibly surly towards all. Unfortunately this method only lasts for approximately 10 minutes as you pass out soon afterwards, at which point drunk people steal your sweet shades anyways.

I wish that this IR remote code wouldn't be so stupid to code for.